SNEVAEH

SNEVAEH

By Jay Carlson

Intro

Beyond our solar system, beyond our galaxy and all galaxies, there is only the darkness of space. But this is not the beginning of infinite space, but rather the end of finite space. For if you could journey further, there would be more, so much more. A realm of light and souls. A realm of answers and clarity. A realm of heavens and dreams.

This kingdom has always been imagined, yet never understood. It has been quite beyond human reach and beyond human understanding. Until now. I have been given a gift, a gift to bring all who live. I have been shown the world that awaits us all; and I have been asked to share this world with you. Relax your mind and unfold it into the pages of this book, as you come to know where you will go when your soul moves on, as you come to know Snevaeh.

Nothing you have ever done, ever read, ever seen, ever loved, or ever known means anything without the knowledge of knowing why you have done it, read it, seen it, loved it, or known it. Animals live without knowing or needing to know why they live; but humans need to know why. I know why and you will soon know why.

I am not a prophet or even a teacher or great scholar; I am just an ordinary man living an ordinary life. But I have had a vision, a profound all-encompassing vision of what life is about, and why we live and die, how we live and die. But more than this I have seen the true face of God and nature, for they are one, they are everything.

As soon as man evolved enough to think about his own existence, he began to seek meaning in it. He needed to have a reason for living, and a reason for dying. He created Gods to rationalize his fear, and later to justify his life, his actions, his death.

Many Gods arose for the different needs of man. Sun Gods, Rain Gods, Fertility Gods. Different tribes had different Gods and soon these Gods warranted churches. The churches were the backbone of the society. Differing societies fought wars in the name of their church and God. Surviving societies thrived and their cultures expanded; their churches became religions. The religious societies’ populations multiplied; hundreds became thousands, then millions and billions. The momentum of these religions was seldom questioned. They were so enormous, so powerful; they had so much history they must be valid. Ancient scriptures proved their origin; messiahs and prophets commanded reverence and vigilance, and instilled fear in the hearts of those who would stray.

Not a bad way to live. The formula is already there. Just believe, be humble, live your life and die, go to the heaven your religion of choice promises you. Billions of people have done this. Billions of people couldn’t be wrong. Right?

Wrong. Well, it is clear that everyone can’t be right. If Allah exists, Jesus did not, and so on. This simple logic tells us than billions of people were wrong and are wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize many people don’t really believe in their religion. Many people suspect that there is no God, or that God is beyond our comprehension. They just are too frightened to voice their doubt. Atheism and agnosticism are not well accepted in society and few souls have the audacity to admit they belong to these groups. And there is nothing to gain by practicing atheism and agnosticism, and everything to lose.

I am here to explain the real meaning of life, and God and nature. The first thing you need to do to understand what I tell you is to remove all ideas you have about heaven, hell, and religion. You are a human with a blank slate; but you are alive and thinking, ready to understand the true nature of the universe.

Now think back further than possible, imagining your own conception. Now think of yourself before the conception, as part of two beings. Visualize the conception of these two beings and imagine being created from those who spawned them. Continue with this process until you can feel a sense of reverse evolution, as hundreds and thousands of years go by. In your mind, if you look deep enough, you can sense and feel the creation of mankind. As you achieve this, you empathically feel the entire world’s life; you are erudite in the understanding of how life has come to be. This is critical to separate yourself from the system, which is a living machine, not controlled by anything or anyone.

The incredible truth in this self-exploration, and others we will discuss, will put many of the absurd notions we carry out of your mind. The raw energy and obvious existence of ideas you didn’t know you had will find you laughing at the inane luggage you have been carrying and the and paradigms you foolishly lived by.

Man was not created by God, in his image. This is nonsense. Man evolved from apes. Apes evolved from a more primitive life form. That life form evolved from an even more primitive life form. Go back further and further and eventually the origin of man is a microscopic life form, as is all life.

Furthermore, our planet is cleansed of life every 65 million years or so, by a catastrophic asteroid collision. All life ends, the dust settles and life begins again. There is no God directly causing this, no external force. It is simply the way of the universe. The only important outcome in all of this is the creation and evolution of our souls. That is what this is all about; our souls have evolved into a plane of existence, Snevaeh.

So what is the truth, the real absolute truth if all religions are bogus and no one has a clue about God?

The truth is that nothing on this earth matters. That is a hard thing to swallow and would terrify many people to insanity, but let me explain. The reason nothing here matters is that it doesn’t matter in the afterlife. Our destination is Snevaeh, which is more of a series of kingdoms than a single place. There is no adjudication and therefore no heaven or hell. It is a fluid place of awareness and exploration.

That is why nothing here on earth matters. But, all you think and do affects your relationship in the afterlife. This is because your soul is defined by who you are. This is not about good and evil though; this is about imagination, limitations, and desire. You are not held accountable for your life on earth, though the soul you have nurtured will dictate your initial experience in Snevaeh.

Death allows your soul to swim in the ether of Snevaeh. Your imagination sets the boundaries of your travels. These are only vaguely defined and can be expanded infinitely as you grow and interact, and as you use your imagination. Your imagination is only limited by your will. Once you understand this, your imagination can expand internally and externally, as lesser order and greater order infinities. For example, you can see the endless amount of paths to take, and you can see the endlessness of any single path! Your imagination is everything; fuel it, mold it, and live it!

Your limitations on earth may have affected your soul’s makeup. This can cause you to have some inhibitions and doubt in yourself. None of this matters, so fear not! There are no shortcomings or weaknesses in Snevaeh; your limitations, whether they be mental, physical, or both, are eradicated and are directly replaced with your imagination and desire.

Your desire will also fuel your imagination. Earthly desires will translate to desire to grow and explore Snevaeh. Your heart’s content is here at last; you will find all you desire, forever.

Writings After The Loss of Arrow (Dec 2000)

The science and the love have all but left my life permanently. When my precious cat Arrow leaves this world, having been through surgery with recurring Cancer, a large part of me will go with her. It’s not a depression I have, but a life-changing attitude, an eye-opening slap in the face, tearing at my heart and soul. I’m 37, unemployed after quitting an unbelievably frustrating management job, living on my savings. I’ve never been married, nor have I fathered any children. I’m a 6-year Navy veteran and having learned electronics in the Navy, have worked in that field now for 18 years.

I have traveled from California to Greece, from Iceland to Africa, and from Canada to the Caribbean. I’ve been skydiving, Scuba diving, bungee jumping, water skiing, parasailing, and jet skiing. I’ve seen the Aurora Borealis, a sky with 3 rainbows, and coached the birth of a human child. I’ve found God, forsaken God, then just became good friends with God. I have had much love and much beauty in my life and have lived my dreams and done all I have ever wanted to do.

It’s not that I want to die; I’m just tired. Weary of it all with the life I’ve led and the foundation I’ve built for the rest of my life. I am not afraid of dying. I would embrace it in case of its inevitability. But suicide would be an irresponsible way to leave this world. It would pain the people who love me. And while I could be selfish enough to do that, I’m really not that desperate. Logically speaking, ending one’s life is simply wasting that segment on a timeline between the point of purposeful death and the point of one’s natural or unplanned death. And spiritually, though I don’t believe it in my heart, many would say ending your own life condemns your soul.

I believe most people live perhaps twice my years before seeing the meaning of life as I do, and truly understanding the gift and futility of existence. There are a lot of reasons for this. Not the least of which is the fact that I have had more time than most people to explore the world, as well as my thoughts. I’ve gone out of my way to make sure I can live at my pace, to stay independent and if I wish, isolated. The best times of my life I have been alone. Sharing the world with a soul mate can be wonderful, but your true love must be yourself. And for me, it is a lifelong endeavor learning to love myself.

Loving oneself is to love with an eclectic passion. Eclecticism to me has always meant exploration and nonconformity, and that means risk. What is the average person willing to risk in order to enjoy life as he truly can? It is in fact only now that I have begun to profoundly think in terms of how average or normal people would think; now here’s a sign of growing old. Even the sharpest of rebel swords dulls in time I suppose.

Anyway, risking one’s life is the first thing that comes to mind. And risked my life I have indeed! From stunts on a bicycle as a child to unprotected sex as an adult, the thrill has always intrinsically been more important than the consequence.

Those days are basically over now. The risks I take now involve taxing my lungs and liver with cigarettes and beer, and testing my girlfriend with my self-indulgent and solitary lifestyle. Old habits do die so hard.

As an aging bachelor in my position it is rather challenging to decide on priorities, priorities of what to think and what to do. Being unemployed by choice adds even more to the detachment I have always felt from the pack. That in itself is not a negative though. It’s only from a strong work ethic I have, stemming from a sense of duty from the military, that I feel compelled to achieve professional accomplishment, even esteem. Other priorities unfortunately seem to come more from guilt than duty. I try never to put myself in a position where I owe anyone anything. I don’t borrow money, I don’t make promises I can’t keep and I don’t lie. Therefore my duties and obligations are minimal. It’s the way I have to be to feel free, and feeling I’m a free spirit means everything to me.

Obviously marriage is not conducive to my life philosophy. I used to condemn marriage, partly from the failed marriages I have witnessed and partly from the pain of lost love I have had. But my judgment was superficial; now I understand why people take that risk, as I know why I have not. People try to obtain security and stability, permanence, the knowledge that they will not be alone, forever. This is wrong thinking; it’s no wonder most marriages are destined to fall apart. This thinking is innate to our society and it is an innate flaw in our society, without a doubt. Unfortunately, the complications are immense and the stigmas of marriage will endure. But I do not condemn marriage, rather the views of marriage, and the peril it may bring. I contest that the institution of marriage is simply not the path that perhaps one half of society should chose. Which half? Well that’s a different can of worms, maybe a future topic to write about!

As I see life now, one needs health, money, and passion to live happily. Health means being mostly free of physical and mental disease; money means having food and shelter; and passion means having hope. Health is a partially random possession, but can of course be greatly affected and improved by one’s behavior. Money is a necessary evil and unless you are lucky you have to get it through your profession. And lastly, passion involves everything else besides health and money; this would include entertainment, spirituality, sports, hobbies, pets, family, friends, and relationships. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t have a passion for heath or a passion for money, but it does mean that money can’t directly buy you health and being healthy does indeed make you rich in a way!

Luckily I have been pretty healthy so far (knock on wood). And while I am not wealthy, I have made enough to pay the bills, enjoy my life, and even save up for this very long rainy day. So consequently, my life has mostly been about the passion. I’ve always felt that if I found my passion, that if I knew what I wanted out of life and went after it, that I would be healthy and wealthy indeed. This has not been the case; in fact it’s the inverse. I’ve never known what my true passion is, and have nevertheless been healthy and wealthy enough just the same. Perhaps my true passion is searching for my passion, and though I’m not giving up, I feel at this stage in my life it is viable enough to say I’ll find no other explanation, and therefore no greater passion.

LIVE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW, BUT ALSO AS IF TODAY WILL NEVER END.

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Hey bro:

Arrow is dead. It was horrible. Worst thing that has ever happened to me in my 37 plus years of life. I see her everywhere and feel dead myself. Tears are flowing all the time but they don't come close to representing how I feel now. All I have lived for is now gone. I loved her and do love her memory as I can never love anyone or anything. All is lost and I am no more. God help me and keep her alive in whatever afterlife there is, waiting for my own departure from this life. Now all I have is her spirit to look forward to. At least for now. However tested my fragile little soul has been, I know I will get though this and flourish from it. I hear her purrs and meows in my sleep and in my dreams. I feel her sweet nasal moisture on my naked body. I remember all her days and all her feline ways and demeanors. I ache for her purr in my arms, as she always did.
Even when she was mad at me she would purr for me. Her ability to be independent mimicked mine, for she would purr for herself as well as for me. We always had each other. We always had a reason to be feline and human. We were symbiotic. We were synergetic. We were a match, a partnership, inseparable, we had a sacred bond. We made a microcosmic reality for all our synergistic relationship stood for; freedom, strength, independence, reliability and consistency. We ruled our world and together we said "fuck you" to everything that got in the way of our happiness and our ability to live freely as man and cat. We had each other. We had the world. We had lots of pleasure, lots of love and lots of time and hope. I know I gave her a great life, she gave me a wonderful life. She gave me a reason to live when all the ones I chose to love left me, were alienated by me, died, or simply moved on, literally and figuratively.
And while I always felt she kept me going and saved me from destroying myself, those same feelings are human traits, not feline. She lived and loved as nature allowed. And while that may be my root force now after all my struggles and trials, I realize I am above her, because I am a more advanced species. While I admire her traits, I know I am above them; and just as I adored them, as my own child's traits, my child is dead and nature moves forward. I will live without my child, without my ARROW. God, you seem to be asleep these last 2000 years, wake up with the blissful creature that has evolved and died and come to you!!!!!!!!! Our Jesus barely meant more to me. But now he will. God bless ME AND MY ARROW.

Come see me if you can. I am home on crutches til I go back to work Wednesday, on crutches for an additional 3 weeks. If all goes well from there, I will be in a walking cast for 6 more weeks. Lots of healing going on here, hope you can be part of it. I love you Dave. All my love to Margot, Bree, and Luke. May the Force of Nature, Science, Love, and God go with you.

Your bro and longest friend
Jaybo

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Arrow was diagnosed with a possible hernia yesterday, the lump in her right side, which made me happy. (She has not been eating dry food lately, but still loves canned food or "SUMPIN to WEET!" And her bowel movements have been less frequent and hard and occasionally involuntary {just pops out- Jake, did you notice this while I was in the Bahamas???}) A tumor would have been a worse illness; a hernia would have been a blessing. The Doctor who made this diagnosis came here yesterday, Harford Mobile Veterinary Services. He referred me to Festival Vet. Hospital, for x-rays and tests, today.
I just got back from this 2nd excursion. Bought a mobile cage for Arrow; she liked it! Ate the whole way to the vet! See, I had put a can of SUMPIN in there last night and she went in and returned periodically to munch! (What a trooper my baby is indeed!) The mobile vet. was wrong. Arrow has a tumor; the colon and the small intestines are fine, I saw them in place on the x-ray. The cytology exam (viewed cells from the mass under a microscope) revealed Mesenchymal cells (kidney-related), indicating some kind of carcinoma (a cancer arising in the epithelial tissue of the skin or of the lining of the internal organs). She also had a 105 degree temperature (101 to 102 is normal for a cat - 105 is real high). So I have Amoxicillin Trihydrate, antibiotic, in an eyedropper bottle for oral use every 12 hours for 2 weeks. I just did it, gave it to her; awful, like trying to pry open a beartrap to get your ankle out!
Now I have to go to a surgeon on Monday, surgery looks pretty imminent at this point, unless there's a fairly high risk she won't make it. In that case I'll keep her here until she dies or is too sick to be happy. Then I will either have lethal injection here (if she can't sleep, eat, etc.) and then cremate her, or just take her to get cremated (if she dies here), and get ashes for a road trip scattering. Where I haven't decided yet.
The good news at this point (as if!) is that her lungs look ok on the x-ray (the lungs is where most cancers of this type spread to first). I just hung up with a doctor who told me that this scenario (lungs ok, tumor seems contained so far) yields at least 75% survival rate. I will risk that, but I want to be with her when she dies. If she dies in surgery, commit me! I can't handle that. Negs on "the patient died, I'm sorry" hospital scene.
She is a strong entity; all I feel and love is directed towards willing her through this. I'm thinking full recovery, like Jake the Cat and his last attack! Long live my Arrow, my Beau!


Thanks for all your e-mail, IMs, and phonecalls of compassion. Most people wouldn't understand my attachment to this animal; I'm glad you all do! Arrow is my very soul in many ways and she means all to me. That little hope in the back of your minds, may help, just to nudge the God of nature, karma, and catdom to give me a few more precious years with my baby. <3>

Arrow sends her hisses and purrs to Chewy, Jake the Cat, Patches, Pumpkin, that old Sylvester, Cid, Zeppelin, Snooks (RIP)

As for the unemployment/vacation spree I have been on, Bahamas was a dream come true, I have a second interview July 19th with a major telecommunications corp., and I'm in negotiations for a possible job and/or partnership with my little brother who just started his own company, WTG bro! Otherwise, man I love sleeping late and playing adventure games!

Attached video, compressed, executable format (scanned and safe from viruses) follows, just over 1 Megabytes

"Beau"coup love
Jay & Arrow